god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think your dad took our porno
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
