her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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