mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
