You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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