Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
