Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
