The best revenge is premature balding
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
