She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
