I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
