i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
