You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
