There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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