Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
