Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
