Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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