So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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