He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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