i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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