what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
