it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
