If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
