I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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