Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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