I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
now i know why i became what i already was.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
