Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
