Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
