I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
