My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
