I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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