Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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