quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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