I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
