I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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