I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
