ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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