Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
