I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
