best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
