i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
