I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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