i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
