Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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