It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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