maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
