Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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