Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
