I cockslap morals
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
