Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
