Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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