You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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