I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
