I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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