brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
