I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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